Just Another Statistic

It's the classic story of Boy meets Girl. They fall in love. Head over heels. Ah, the joys of teenage love. Young hearts joined by the simple yet powerful bond of love and romance. The days are filled with smiles and laughter, flowers and gifts, small tokens of affection. Hours on the phone talking about nothing at all.

Somewhere down the line, He decides that She's the one for him. It couldn't have been a better 5 years. Or 7, whichever applies. And He decides is time to pick out a ring. He can't decide though. Men are terrible at shapes and designs, aren't they? It's part of their charm. Big, clumsy doofuses we are. So He gets Cindy from the office to help him out. And with her help, He picks out the perfect one. An exquisite little thing. Never mind the price. Love is blind after all.

And so He picks out the perfect place. Up on the hill where they've spent so many wonderful moments. Sunsets and sunrises. She's absolutely clueless. She thinks its just another night. And He springs her with the surprise. The whole I'm-down-on-one-knee-and-if-you-don't-say-yes-I'm-not-getting-up routine. Of course, She says yes. How could She not? He's the man of her dreams and She's never felt this way about anyone. She's spent entire nights dreaming of this moment.

The wedding is raucous, as most weddings are. Friends and family turn up in busloads to show their support. "They're a beautiful couple," the women say. And the men, being men, are probably slightly more interested in the food or the drink. Big, clumsy doofuses, remember?

It's the best day of their lives. Finally, all their dreams have come true.

Fast forward down the reel of time a little. 8 years and 2 kids down the road. What picture do we see now? He comes home tired. Work's been terrible the past year or two. Impossible deadlines, impossible superiors. Money's good but it doesn't feel like it's worth living that kind of life for it. She wants to talk. The kids need help. Little Sam just poo'ed. Babies have an incredibly accurate sense of knowing when to poo when you least need it. He brushes off her questions and pleads weariness. She sees a closed heart. Tempers flare. Just another day.

He's staring at the TV but he's not seeing the images. She's upstairs sobbing. "Why can't we talk anymore," she asked. And the only answer she could get was silence, heavy and ominous. A sign of impending doom. "Why can't we communicate?"

What happened to Boy and Girl? What happened to the years of blissful, ignorant love? So long ago, it seems, and yet just like yesterday. What happened? Life caught up, maybe? It's a cruel world out there when you grow up. Ever wondered why it's called the rat race?

Things don't get brighter. Things get worse. Yelling matches now. Daddy vs Mummy vs Kids. Long, cold, pointed silent matches too. He can't stand how She can be so insensitive and can't give Him what He needs. She can't understand why He doesn't open up. They can't understand what happened. Dark thought start to surface. Perhaps temptations. An affair or two. Just to get their minds off the problems. A blissful escapade into the wide open arms of ignorance and selfish desires. It's just a one night stand.

Finally, they decide to sign the papers. It's probably better this way, they think. It's not working out anymore. We tried. We failed. Better luck next time. Just another statistic.

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Just another statistic, isn't it? People fall in and out of love all the time don't they? Marriage vows are frivolous, aren't they? Unrealistic. They don't provide for all the problems marriage brings, do they? They're just ritual verses. Tradition. Outdated. Repeated for the sake of repeating. Wrong. Dead wrong!

Do we know what commitment means anymore nowadays? Are relationships meant to be so fragile that a little testing and prodding can tear them apart? Gone are the days when the 'popular perception' was that marriage is forever. Till death do us part. Through the good days and bad days. Richer or poorer. What excuse do we have?

True, it's a fair enough argument that after some time, people don't get along anymore? Why? Communication. Or lack of it. Self-centredness. After awhile, we tend to forget that love is about giving, not receiving. Sure, it's easy to fall and love and be sweet and romantic when you're in love. But you know what's the greatest test of love? It's when you don't feel like you love him/her anymore. When you're plagued by uncertainty and doubt. When things aren't so straightforward. When you have no idea how you can make it through another day of the living hell.

What do we do then? In that very point of time. Most of us would give up, wouldn't we? It's certainly the easiest way out. Never mind the legal fees and the children. They're just accessories. Mummy and Daddy don't see eye to eye anymore.

There's still such a thing called unfailing love. Unconditional love. That's when you see her as the beautiful woman she is. Time and age will sap her physical beauty. She won't always look the way she did when she was 25 and you nearly broke your neck turning and twisting to look at her. It's when you see him to be the big, clumsy doofus you fell in love with underneath whatever he's changed into.

Unfailing love is when you can be the bigger man and sacrifice your own needs for hers, without hoping for something in return. Sure you're tired after a long day at work. Sure you don't feel like talking much. All you want is a break. But give that to her. Sacrifice it and talk to her. It'll make her day. It's not too late for small tokens of affection. For no reason at all. Just to show you care.

Love is a funny thing. It demands a lot. True love demands that you and I give. To give all that we have and all that we are to others. But its funny, in that no matter how much you try to out-bless God by blessing someone else, you can never out-bless God. You can never outgive Him. What am I trying to say here? I'm trying to say that although it may seem like a huge sacrifice to give and keep giving, it's always worth it. Cuz when we've come to a stage where we've learnt to give without hoping for anything in return, that's when we'll see the returns. And it's greater than we can imagine.

At the end of the day, relationships are never easy. Whether romantic or platonic. But it all boils down to a simple question; What kind of man do you want to be? What kind of woman do you want to be? What kind of friend/spouse do you want to be?

A lot of men and women of great renown and social standing miss the simple truth. They give in to pressure. Affairs, mistresses and scandals abound in our society today. That doesn't mean we don't have a choice. We can choose to be men and women of values and standards. It's all about our choices after all.

Learning to love and learning to be loved is not a duty. It's an awakening of our hearts to the beauty and love of God. As William Blake said, "And we are put on earth a little space, to learn to bear the beams of love."

No more statistics.